Thursday, April 2, 2009

Top 5 Worst Things About Bathing in Cecil B. DeMille's Bathtub

This dude, Cecil B. DeMille, is an Academy Award-winning director of "I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille," fame. The lifetime achievement award at the Golden Globes is named after him.

I have bathed in his bathtub.

Somehow, this tub ended up at a house where I was staying in Anaheim, California. It wasn't anything too special. It was white; it was porcelain; it was a tub.

However, five things REALLY sucked about it.

5. The creepy 40-something brother of the woman my mom and I were staying with, who liked to bug us at all times of the day. We called him Buffalo Bill.

4. The lack of a shower curtain. I went to close the shower curtain only to find that there wasn't one. Okay, not that bad, right?

3. The lack of a lock on the bathroom door. Hence why I was so mad about the goddamn shower curtain.

2. The window (from mid-stomach on up) on the wall of the tub that faced the backyard, where Buffalo Bill, the gardeners, and the apprentices who worked in the garage walked by ALL DAY.

1. The fact that all of this put together meant that I was squatting awkwardly in the tub and trying to prepare myself to stop the door from opening at any second.